Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
