Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize