im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
