he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
