oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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