A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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