you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize