i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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