it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
