Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
