her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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