We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
