p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize