it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
