He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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