Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
