I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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