better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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