cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
