hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
