Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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