just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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