____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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