hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
