My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
