turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
