He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
