why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
