party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
