his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
