I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
