I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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