It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was confusing and full of hummus
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
