I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
