Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize