we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
