I hate your face
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
