I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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