Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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