i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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