i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
