mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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