i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i was born a porn star she said
that's an acceptable place to lick
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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