I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
