Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't deserve a penis
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
