you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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