So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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