I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
