I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
