we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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