no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you traded sex for a burrito?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
