Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
