I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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