I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
