I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
