She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
