Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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