Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize