Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
