I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
