guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
