Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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