I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize