dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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