I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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