Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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