and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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