I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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