I smell stomach acid.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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