And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
