I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
