i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
