she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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