pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
