I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
