Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
