we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize