we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
