Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
