If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
