I feel great
I just peed on a car
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
