How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
