I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I smell like Dick and happiness
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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