??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
