I am in a vortex of obligation.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
