Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
