Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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