I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
