Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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