I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
