i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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